Why Aussie celebs are so boring

Julietta Jameson asks why Aussie celebs are so boring.

As Big Brother evictees hit the club circuit and Dancing stars do their end-of-show interviews, Julietta Jameson asks why Aussie celebs are so snooze-inducing compared to their international counterparts.

CAN you hear the alarm ringing? That's the sound of 15 minutes of fame expiring every time a Big Brother contestant leaves the Gold Coast compound, or one of Home And Away's pretty young interchangables leaves Summer Bay. It rings again when an It girl trades "it" for "it once was" as she exits Ramsay Street. How soon they are forgotten.
Meanwhile, across the globe, former English soap stars and reality TV contestants are plastered across the front pages of gossip magazines and tabloid newspapers.
Tongue kissing, boob flashing, nose jobs gone wrong, dirty laundry aired: the ludicrous lives of these celebrity Z-listers keep them in the limelight.
"When I'm on the front of a magazine I sell more copies than Victoria Beckham does . . . It's a massive achievement for, I dunno, doing nothing." That's Jade Goody talking - a former UK Big Brother contestant who didn't win her series but, since first appearing on British television four years ago, has taken a huge slice of tabloid news.
This 24-year-old single mother of two's version of doing nothing? Battling bulimia and talking freely about it, spilling about an abusive boyfriend and father and about rolling joints at five years of age for her drug-taking lesbian mother. She's voluntarily flashed her boob job and doesn't mind one bit that her monumental struggle with weight is well-documented. Chuck in lots of get-a-room displays of "affection", some stumbling public drunkenness and plenty of acts of stupidity and it all keeps bubbling along. "I'm dying! I'm dying!" she shrieked as she was loaded into an ambulance during her lumbering attempt at the London Marathon. She had already stated to the press that her preparation consisted of no physical training and a diet of curries and lager. No surprise then, that she went blue not even halfway through. Still, the drama of her trip to a hospital emergency ward made great pictures and copy.
Welcome, Australian celebrities, to Shameless Fame 101. Want to extend your 15 minutes? Try tawdry on for size (just make sure it's so tight your boobs stand out) and be prepared to tell your story in all its gory detail. Use that mug shot from your drink-driving arrest to full effect and sell it to the highest bidder. Get plastered and ridicule your ex on national TV. Cry about your cocaine addiction and vow that just as soon as your nose cartilage is reconstructed and your mono-nostril won't scare the kiddies, you'll go out to schools and tell them to "Just say no".